Ivanna Pitonia: “Live your life. Shine brightly”

Ivanna Pitonia is the heroine of the December DIGITAL cover of BOMOND VIP fashion and a new interview on the pages of the project "A woman of our time". Psychotechnologist, mentor for women, expert in relationships, Mrs. Ivanna opens the main veil of the present: "Believe in your own worth". This conversation is about the courage to live not according to scenarios, but according to its own truth. It is about a woman who does not seek permission, but creates herself.

Ms. Ivanna, I am very close to your opinion that transformation is a path that takes time. Please tell us how your personal journey to the role of psychotechnologist and mentor for women began?

Hello! It is a great honor for me to be one of the women who, I hope, will inspire your wonderful readers a little. Because nothing fills you with feminine energy and instills support like a strong female field and the understanding that you are not alone.

I would also add to my role as a relationship expert. Because that's what excites me the most. My personal journey began somewhere in my youth, I would say. That's when I became interested in something unusual (first numerology, then horoscopes, astrology, the power of thought). Even then, I realized that how we think affects our lives and the events in them. My life credo was “everything happens for the best.” The realization that the energy you radiate and your inner state are more important than how you look became very powerful in my relationships with myself and others. Because we are often very self-critical of our appearance, and it takes time and work on ourselves to come to full acceptance of ourselves.

Not yet knowing that there was such a thing as “psychotechnology,” I intuitively came up with one. And, after practicing it for two months, I met my husband, with whom I have been together for 13 years.

In short, the essence of it is to accept love, feel love, and give gratitude.

With the birth of my eldest son, I began to study child psychology for myself. At that time, my husband and I were living with his parents. This factor, plus the birth of a child and certain social expectations, led to me no longer hearing myself. I tried to please everyone around me, to be a good mother, wife, and daughter-in-law. But this made me feel terrible. I literally lost my lightness, playfulness, dreaminess, and sparkle in my eyes. I wanted something more than diapers and pots and pans, something more meaningful, but I didn't understand what exactly.

And then the large-scale invasion began. I lost my bearings and was in a state of turmoil for almost a year, even though I was physically relatively safe.

Summoning all my willpower, I began to pull myself out of this state with various writing practices, setting small goals for myself, praising myself for minor achievements, taking care of my physical condition, and simply giving thanks, giving thanks for everything! Eventually, I felt the desire to learn something new. I took several courses, which did not bring the expected results, either moral or financial.

And then I made the decision to go to school not for money, not for a profession, but to understand myself. The word “destiny” triggered me strongly, because I did not feel that I was fulfilling some greater mission. And I thought that if I didn't feel it here, then nothing would help me.

And during that training, I met my mentor, who showed me how psychotechnology tools work. Then I took another course to learn this knowledge and several other courses in psychology, thinking, and coaching. At the same time, I started giving consultations. And later, I took on several people for personal work. And then I realized that this was the calling I had been looking for. But the biggest realization was that the activity I am engaged in now has always been somewhere close to me in my life, I was just afraid to admit it to myself. This was confirmed by the state I woke up in every morning — calm, confident, and feeling that I was in the right place. 

Today, the image of a modern woman is undergoing important changes: we learn somehow quite differently, taking care of our own condition, combining the inner world, family, work and realisation. What is this image in your eyes?

I agree with you. Women have changed a lot. Of course, this has also been facilitated by the development of the internet, the exchange of information, and thousands of self-development courses to choose from.

But still, our transformations come from within. We no longer strive to be “perfect” by someone else's standards — we seek our own harmony. In this search, modern women have learned the most important thing: taking care of yourself is not selfishness, but the basis of integrity.

Today, a woman is not just a professional, not just a mother, not just an inspirer. She is a combination of all this and more. She knows how to make decisions, build a career, raise children, create beauty around herself, but at the same time remain alive — with her emotions, doubts, and needs.

And that's great! It's great that women now make choices based on their inner state, on what they really want. Not to be convenient, but to be happy. Because only a happy person has a choice, and when we are unhappy, we settle for what we have: an abusive husband, a job we hate, being nice to everyone.

I really like the phrase: “We have two lives, and the second one begins when we realize that the first one is a set of other people's expectations.”

And I think it's very valuable that women are finally choosing not to live up to other people's expectations. They are choosing to work on their inner state, their self-worth, and to get rid of limiting beliefs. I am like that myself. And working on my mindset has actually brought more harmony to my relationships with my husband, parents, and children. And thanks to this, I have more energy, more resources for my needs and desires, and more time for my family.

Nowadays, women don't want to be “strong” at the cost of losing their tenderness, and they don't want to appear “weak” in order to get support. They choose authenticity — to be themselves in every moment, not competing, but creating.

Therefore, in my eyes, the image of such a woman is confident, light in movement, with an inner core, in touch with her body, who values and loves herself, is full of energy, and acts boldly because she knows that this is what her soul desires. This new image of a woman is deep, conscious, and free. In her eyes is the wisdom of experience, in her hands is work, children, dreams, and in her heart is peace, love, gratitude, and happiness. And when she is happy, that happiness spreads to everyone around her.

I would really like to talk more about the relationship with myself. In the rhythm of dozens of tasks and scenarios, we often lose our own integrity. How to get it back? How do you remember your true self?

The word integrity, and sometimes authenticity, is often heard on the Internet. But what does it mean?

Let's think about a 3-year-old child. How does she perceive herself and her actions? Everything they do is right, everything they think up is brilliant, everything they say is funny, everything they wear is beautiful, and they themselves are the center of the universe. And it's all so natural that you can't help but agree with them. Because they do everything, or at least try to do everything, that their heart desires.

So for me, integrity is feeling the desires of your soul and doing everything to realize them. And this is not about violating other people's boundaries or harming others, this is not about selfishness, because we are not three years old, but about giving ourselves happiness and being able to rejoice like a child. For example, turn on the music and dance, walk down the street and sing, change your profession because you remembered that as a child you loved to explore, not add numbers. When you are whole, you feel comfortable, calm, and happy. And in this state, you cannot harm anyone. But you will definitely trigger people. Simply because you will live and act according to your true desires, not collective programs and beliefs. And then part of your environment will disappear. Because someone will judge you, not understand you, and you will not get along with someone else because you have different goals and interests in life. And that's normal, it's evolution.

How can you regain this state of integrity? First, admit to yourself that you have strayed from your path and that what surrounds you is not what you really want. Second, understand, feel, and remember what you wanted or want, what your true desire is. Third, see what is preventing you from getting it. But here there is a nuance in that we ourselves usually cannot see the whole picture. And here you need a person who will highlight all the limiting beliefs, some ancestral, collective programs that are obstacles on the path to integrity. And finally, this same person will show you how to break free from these programs and literally change your worldview, your state of mind, and your reactions. This is where psychotechnology tools work wonders. These are state-of-the-art integration tools that transform all limiting beliefs and vulnerabilities into resources on several levels (body, reactions, collective and ancestral programs, worldview). And from this new resource state, a person takes new actions that lead to integrity and a feeling of being alive.

You operate with life-shaping themes: finances, relationships, self-realisation. What, in your opinion, most often keeps women trapped in their own thoughts and prevents them from taking the next step?

Based on my personal experience and the experience of the women I have worked with, most often it is not an external obstacle, but an internal voice that causes doubt. It is this voice that often traps us in our thoughts, preventing us from taking a step forward.

I would highlight the fear of imperfection. It so happened that women have long been burdened by certain social expectations—to be a good mother, a caring wife, an ideal daughter-in-law, professional at work, and so on. The pursuit of perfection becomes a brake that makes women afraid to make mistakes, lose face, disappoint others, and therefore not act. They wait for the moment when they are ready enough, but, as we know, that moment will never come. Therefore, my rule is that it is better to do something imperfectly than not to do it perfectly.

Another reason is guilt.

Even when the desire for change arises, the thought immediately follows: “What will others think?” Guilt towards children, partners, and colleagues can paralyze any desire to act. Many women live as if in debt — and therefore do not allow themselves to choose for themselves. It is important to know that feelings of guilt, like feelings of shame, resentment, and injustice, are formed between the ages of 3 and 6 and usually linger throughout our lives, preventing us from developing, enjoying ourselves, and living. There is a way out — realizing that this is not our natural emotion and using psychotechnological tools.

The same goes for the inner critic. Every woman has a voice in her head that always finds something to complain about. It may sound like the words of a mother, ex-partner, or boss, but the essence is the same: “You can't do it!” This voice is not always loud, but it is constant, and that is why it is so insidious. The simplest advice is that every time the inner critic in your head comes out, an inner fan should come in and say, “You can do it!”

Taking a step forward does not begin with a big change, but with a small permission. Permission to be imperfect, to make mistakes, to try. When a woman stops seeking approval and begins to seek her own truth, the trap of thoughts weakens.

I am sure that almost every woman wants to create a life in which it will really shine brightly. How to "rewrite" your own scenarios? What steps will be right? Where to start?

Yes, I am sure that every woman dreams of a life in which she shines — not because she has to, but because she lives in harmony with herself.

So where do you start on your path to authenticity?

The first step is awareness. No scenario can be changed until you see the one you are living. Ask yourself honestly: “Whose life am I living?” “Whose expectations am I fulfilling?” Awareness is not about judgment, it's about honesty with yourself. That's where transformation begins.

The next step is to make a decision to change something. We are very afraid to leave our comfort zone, even if it is extremely uncomfortable there. Because here we already know how to survive. And everything that is unknown is equal to death for our brain. And so that it's not so scary, it's worth starting with small steps. You don't have to break your whole life at once. Start small: say “no” when you don't want to, choose for yourself — even in small things. Every small step is a brick in a new scenario where you are the main character.

Another important point is to give up the role of being “convenient.” Being good does not mean being convenient. It's time to step out of the roles that have been weighing you down for a long time: the obedient daughter, the “perfect” mother, the patient partner. Allow yourself to be alive — with your desires, mistakes, and the right to your own truth.

And also, change is easier when you have people around you who believe in you. Look for people who make you feel lighter. Among them, you will more quickly believe that you can do more than you used to think.

The deepest level of change is inner acceptance that you are already enough. Not when you lose weight, earn money, or gain recognition, but right now. Believe in your own worth, stop hiding your light, and then you will create a life in which you will shine.

I propose now to imagine that you and I are somewhere on the seashore ... And we have many postcards that we will send to every woman on the planet. What message would you write?

I would love to write these words to every woman:

“My dear, you exist and you are already valuable! No matter how hard you try, you will not be liked by everyone. So live your life and shine brightly. And in moments of doubt and uncertainty, ask yourself, ‘What would I do if I loved myself?’”

Thank you very much for giving me this opportunity to share my experience and thoughts and, perhaps, to inspire and support women a little. Remember that everything starts with your relationship with yourself.

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