Daria Koniashko: "Your value does not need proof"

We live in a world where conscious life is not about the right decisions, but about honest ones. In a world where allowing yourself to be imperfect is worth the greatest treasures.

Today on the pages of the magazine BOMOND VIP fashion - an interview with quantum psychologist and mentor for women Daria Koniashko. About how to build internal resistance. How to learn to ask yourself simple but honest questions. About the true essence of personal boundaries and about openness, in which appears the ability to accept and give support.

The words of the heroine of the DIGITAL cover: "You are the light. And even in the darkest times, it does not disappear anywhere," they become an honest message that each of us should hear this April.

Mrs. Daria, I am very impressed by your words: "When we start choosing ourselves, we stop betraying our own lives." Please tell us how your personal history of this choice began. How it all began and what inner step led you to your appointment: the role of quantum psychologist and mentor for women?

My choice of self began not with confidence, but with a long search.

By the age of 30, I had changed many professions - I was a brovist, barista, and in many other roles. From the outside it looked like chaotic change, but in fact it was my way of finding myself.

This search lasted almost 30 years and at some point I reached the boiling point. I realized very clearly: in the old way I don't want it anymore, and in the new way I don't know how yet. That's when I didn't run away from this state for the first time, but went into it. I started working with myself, with my inner state, with what is really happening to me.

And it was from this inner space that the solution came. I realized that I want to work with women who are in a similar state: confused, without internal support, with the feeling that the old life is collapsing, but the new one is not yet. For someone, it is a crisis in relationships or the breakup of a family, for someone - difficulties with money or a complete loss of guidelines.

I felt that my mission was to be close to these women, lead them, help me regain contact with myself and build a new inner resistance. Quantum psychology and mentoring have become not just a profession, but a continuation of my personal choice - not to betray my own life anymore.

If you were to paint a picture depicting the image of a woman in the modern world, what would this canvas be like? What colors, states, lines would you depict? And what, in your vision, is a woman today?

I see this picture like this.

In the background is the image of a woman. On the outside, it can be dark, even a little heavy, as if assembled from the shadows of experienced events, fears, fatigue, trials. The contours are restrained, the colors are deep - graphite, dark blue, earthy. It is about the fact that a woman in the modern world often looks strong, collected, sometimes even closed.

There is a lot of light inside.

Not blinding, not loud. Light alive, warm, real. It spills from the inside, gently touches every line, every bend of the image. This light is her truth, her sensitivity, her love and her true memory of herself.

This picture is about the fact that every woman has a huge inner world. A world that does not go out even in the darkest times. On the contrary, it is the darkness that makes it more visible.

And it is also a picture of the power of a woman who has already turned on her light and can help another woman remember her own. Not imposing, not breaking, but just being there. Because a woman's power is not to shine instead of someone, but to help another to shine for herself.

This canvas is about hope.

About memory.

About the light that always lives within every woman.

We live in a reality where stress, fatigue, tension and light are intertwined every day. And at the same time, it is extremely important for a woman to feel alive even in difficult periods. How do you think it is to build inner resistance when the outside world seems to sink into complete darkness and take away energy and faith?

The first thing I always pay attention to is the inner state and the inner support. I often compare it to the legs of a chair: if they are weak, any movement of the outside world easily knocks out the balance. But when internal pillars are built, external circumstances no longer have such power over you.

It is important to start with a return to the body. Learn to feel yourself: where there is tension, clamps, blocks. The body is always the first to signal our internal processes, and it is important to work with these states, not to ignore them.

The second step is to ask yourself very simple but honest questions: "What do I want right now?" Not the world, not other people, but me. Sometimes it is something completely elementary: a cup of warm tea, a pause, a few minutes of silence. It is from such small actions that internal support begins to be built. This does not require a lot of money - it is important to learn to hear yourself.

And the third is the restoration of contact with oneself and a sense of self-worth. Every woman is valuable by birthright. But if this value is not lived bodily, not felt inside, a woman constantly needs confirmation from the outside: approval, recognition, love. Without this, she becomes very vulnerable to changes and other people's assessments.

This is what I often do at sessions and consultations with — I help women not just understand, but also to live their value, to feel it in the body. When contact with oneself is restored, stability appears, and the need to prove one's importance to the outside world gradually disappears. And if there are clamps or blocks in the body, it is important to work with them - because sooner or later life still brings us back to this issue.

Today, the topic of personal boundaries is still often perceived as coldness, selfishness or disrespect. Although in fact, it is the borders that preserve the internal, and often the external world of a person. How to build personal boundaries step by step so that they help preserve internal integrity?

In fact, the topic of personal boundaries is one of the most painful in the modern world. Many of us have been taught to live in such a way that we have to give everything, even the last, and put ourselves in the last place.

First, family, husband, children - and you seem to be somewhere at the end of this list.

Today we live in a different reality. In it, the "I" is not selfishness, but the basis. The first letter of the alphabet around which everything else is built. It's not you who revolves around everyone, but life begins to revolve around your inner center. And it is here that conflicts often arise with loved ones, especially with parents who are used to living by completely different rules.

It is important to understand: the older generation survived thanks to their models. This is their experience and their path. But we have the right to choose something else - how we are comfortable, how we feel and how we want to be treated. And that's perfectly normal.

Personal boundaries do not need to be "fighted" or proved to someone. It is important to build them gently and with respect - first of all to yourself. Because if there are no borders, aggression accumulates inside, grows with each situation, and sooner or later comes out in the form of a sharp, unconstructive dialogue.

Therefore, the first step is to restore contact with yourself and honestly answer the question: "How can I do with me, and how not?" If something doesn't fit, it's important not to keep it in your body. Because sooner or later it will still be said - but not in one sentence, but in a list of claims.

In our time, borders begin with inner clarity. When it is, it becomes easier to tactfully tell others what is acceptable to you and what is not. Without accusations and shame.

And if there is a strong feeling of shame or fear of "offending", it is also important to work with this. Because this is not about reality, but about deep-rooted attitudes of childhood, where we were taught to choose not ourselves, but someone else. And I very often work with these topics in sessions — I help women regain the right to be important in their own lives.

You work hard with women's awareness and thinking. What internal shifts, in your opinion, are key for a woman to stop living "on autopilot" and begin to consciously shape her life, decisions and choices?

The first and most important shift is the transition from the "as it should" mode to the "how I feel" mode. Many women live on autopilot for years, fulfilling the expectations of others, without even asking themselves questions about their own desires.

The second shift is the return of responsibility to oneself. Not in the form of self-criticism, but in the form of choice. When a woman stops waiting for someone to decide for her, and begins to ask herself: "What do I choose now?", her life ceases to be accidental.

The third important point is the restoration of contact with the body and emotions. The autopilot feeds from the breakaway from itself. When a woman again begins to feel, notice her states, listen to the signals of the body, clarity and internal support appear.

And another key shift is to allow yourself to be imperfect. Conscious life is not about the right decisions, but about honest ones. When a woman stops living with a constant fear of error, she begins to live for real.

In your reflections, you often touch on the topic of the relationship between a man and a woman. Many women admit that they are in a couple, but at the same time they do not feel support. Why is this happening? And how to find a balance between internal independence and the ability to accept/give support?

Very often, a woman does not feel support in a relationship not because there is a "wrong" man nearby, but because all the support is taken out. When there is no internal support, the partner involuntarily becomes the only source of security, stability and meaning - and this is too much of a burden for any relationship.

On the other hand, many women grew up in the setting of "myself" and learned to be strong, independent, closed. In this state, there may be a partner nearby, but there is still no closeness and a sense of support, because a woman does not allow herself to lean.

Balance begins with internal independence — with the ability to be a support for yourself, to hear your needs, to feel your own value. When this basis is there, the support of the partner does not become a necessity for survival, but turns into a choice.

The ability to accept and give support is born where there is openness and trust. When a woman does not save and does not expect to be saved, but comes into a relationship whole. It is then that there is a feeling of true support - not as dependence, but as reciprocity.

I propose now to imagine that you and I are somewhere on the seashore ... And we have many postcards that we will send to every woman on the planet. What message would you write?

I would write a very simple but honest message.

"You're okay.

You are not broken, not late, and not lost.

You have the right to live at your own pace, feel, doubt, get tired and start again.

Remember: your value does not need proof.

You are the light by birthright.

And even in the darkest times, it doesn't disappear anywhere — it's just waiting for you to come back to yourself.”

These are the words I would like every woman to read.

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