Iolanta Holomedova: "The most important relationship in your life is with yourself"

Today, more and more women strive not only to achieve their goals, but also to understand themselves, find inner support and learn to live in harmony with their true desires. This is exactly what we talked about with the heroine of our cover - transformational coach Iolanta Holomedova, who for many years has been helping people go through the path of internal changes, regain the authorship of their own lives and discover new opportunities for implementation.

In the new interview, we touched on topics that concern almost every woman today: finding yourself, self-love, inner criticism, personal boundaries, financial realization, creating your own reality and the courage to choose yourself despite fears and doubts.

Iolanta Holomedova frankly spoke about her own path of transformation, the moment when she realized that she no longer wanted to live according to other people's scenarios, and also shared her view on why real changes begin not from external circumstances, but from a person's internal decision.

"The creation of one's own reality begins not when the world around us changes, but when the person who looks at this world changes," the heroine of the BOMOND VIP fashion magazine is convinced.

Mrs. Iolanta, I am extremely impressed by your position that the worst thing is to live not your life and constantly postpone it for later. However, I understand that such a worldview is usually formed through one's own internal transformation. Tell us, please, what was the beginning of your personal story before the role of an expert in thinking transformation?

It is really important for me to live my life in the moment of "here and now". And I learn this every day, every moment, with all my soul: not just to live, but to live through myself, my emotions, feelings.

Any emotions, everything that comes into my life from the outside, everything that I create myself - to feel.

And, of course, I didn't come to it yesterday. There were situations in my life that I created myself, and it was they that led me to these realizations and changes.

As a woman, I live my best life here on earth. I have a happy union with my beloved man. We have been together since 15 years, and this is already 35 years of my life in love. I am a very happy woman. They love me, and I love.

I have two adult children - a daughter and a son, as well as two beautiful grandchildren. I do what I love and do it with great love for the world and people. But first of all, I do it out of love for myself.

And if they ask me if I'm a happy person, no matter what emotional state I'm in, I'll always say, "Yes!"

Because I am sincerely convinced: we create everything in our lives ourselves. So, I created any situation and any state. And I am the woman who never regrets what is happening in her life.

It wasn't always like that. First there was experience, and then came the knowledge that everything can be different and you choose how it will be.

Until I was 36, I was a happy, intelligent and beautiful woman, wife and mother. Dealing only with children, everyday life, my body and appearance, without needing anything, I lived my life and in my spare time I read a lot of books on psychology, self-development and relationships.

I have always strived for self-realization and success. I wanted to realize my potential, because I always felt that I could do more. I always knew I was capable of much more.

I wanted scale for my personality, but my husband was against my implementation, he didn't want me to work. And I was slowly losing myself in the relationship. Over time, I came to what I thought: a little more - and I will forget who I am and what my name is.

Despite everything, I always looked spectacular and enjoyed incredible popularity in any company, wherever my husband and I ended up. My energy filled the whole space. It seems that even if I were on the moon, I would still attract attention. You could always recharge from me like from a substation. (says Mrs. Iolanta with a smile on her face)

And all this potential was quietly smoldering in me, like a burning candle... And at some point I got scared.

I thought, what if I died? Who will cry? My family, my children, my friends... And all?

What have I done for the world? What did you give him? Who did you help? Who did you support? What have you done in this life that only close people will cry and grieve?

It was then that the realization came to me: I want to be useful to this world. I want to bring the maximum benefit to people through my knowledge and my potential.

And I began to act, radically changing my life.

The fact that in your activity you create the Space of the Living Woman ... the one who allows herself to be real deserves special respect. I propose to imagine that you, as an artist, would have to paint a picture - a portrait of this living woman. What would this image be like? What features of a modern woman would become the main features in this portrait?

This responds to me very, very much.

That's exactly what I broadcast to women in the world.

And most importantly, all women in the world are beautiful. Each of us is fine, and there is enough of everything in each of us. We, our souls, came here to earth to live this beautiful, best life. I think we already have everything inside. And our task is only to remember: "Why else am I here?"

It is important for me to be honest with myself and with the world. It is from this value that I live and it is what I carry into the world. It is also important not to betray yourself and your desires. Go with life with love and create everything out of love.

We have enough of everything: light, love, happiness, goodness, inspiration, bright colors and beauty. And most importantly - to manifest yourself, to share love from excess, to give the world what is inside you. Be open and sincere to the world.

I believe that we attract what we believe in and at the same time radiate what we are filled with.

Therefore, I consider it my mission to live happily and help other women find their happiness within themselves.

In the modern world, almost every one of us strives to realize ourselves in different roles: in the family, motherhood, in our own vocation, business, professional realization, financial independence. At the same time, society often forms a large number of expectations and frameworks, which often become the cause of fears, doubts and inner stop before dreams. How to start working with an internal critic, doubts and devaluation?

It seems to me that one of the biggest illusions is that confident people do not doubt. In fact, everyone has doubts. The only difference is who lets them control their lives and who goes forward regardless of them.

The inner critic most often appears where there is a fear of being rejected, incomprehensible or not good enough. So I don't suggest women fight it. I suggest hearing him and understanding what exactly he is trying to protect.

The work begins with a simple realization: the voice of the inner critic is not the voice of our true essence. This is the voice of old beliefs, other people's expectations and past experiences.

When a woman ceases to believe her every disturbing thought and begins to trust herself, her desires and her values more, she gradually emerges from a state of devaluation and begins to create a life that truly reflects herself.

I don't know a better way to go this way than to turn to people who have already gone through it themselves and can help do it faster and more efficiently. For me, the answer is obvious - it's coaching. After completing a huge number of exercises and trainings, I was convinced that contacting a specialist with experience is one of the best solutions.

An experienced coach knows how to work with an internal critic and devaluation. And if the coach also has a psychological education, this gives the client the opportunity to work through his requests much more deeply and leave the work on himself as a completely different person.

My task is to help the client look into himself, grow his inner core and discover a power in himself that he did not even suspect before. Spread your wings and take off.

In 13 years of my practice, I have never been approached by people who were not ready to change their lives. All the women and men I worked with were already internally ready for changes in themselves and their lives. That is why working with such people is a real pleasure.

Knowing what a person is capable of and how great the potential is laid in each of them ...

Also today I would like to touch more deeply on the topic of awareness of one's own scenarios and building healthy boundaries. After all, very often we do not fully understand where the line is between healthy personal boundaries and the state when they can turn into coldness or selfishness. How to learn to build truly healthy boundaries and how to understand what they really are?

Many people think they have no boundaries. In fact, everyone has boundaries. The problem is more often that the person does not hear their signals.

I think that the concept of "healthy personal boundaries", as well as the concept of "coldness" or "selfishness", is defined by each person in his own way, according to their own ideas and experiences. Here it is important to first understand what personal boundaries mean and why they are built.

I have repeatedly encountered this topic in my work. In many people, personal boundaries are most often violated, and the older a person is, the less he has an understanding of any boundaries and this concept in general.

I often have to explain to clients that learning how to define their personal boundaries is important not only for themselves, but also for them to pass this skill on to their children. Otherwise, children will grow up the same way without understanding how to build their own personal boundaries.

With young people in this regard, it is much easier. They, coming to my work, already realize the meaning of these words and pay due attention to it. Often they themselves in conversation say that it is important for them that their boundaries are not violated, and that is why they come to work on their inner core so that the support on themselves is strong.

Regarding coldness and selfishness, I believe that it is important to distinguish between selfishness and egocentrism, and where selfishness is really healthy. If a person makes a choice in his favor, and someone at the same time considers him selfish, then the problem is more in this person. Most likely, she has not yet learned to choose herself and put her needs first, so she should work on herself.

I am very happy when people choose themselves, know that self-love is important, and understand that the ability to define their personal boundaries is the same skill as self-confidence or healthy self-esteem.

To learn how to build personal boundaries, you need to understand that it is not just about protection from others. It's also about self-respect. The better a person is aware of his own value, the less he has to defend his boundaries by force. They become understandable to the environment already from how a person treats himself.

The first thing I suggest to do is to make a decision: "So I don't want to anymore" and start acting differently.

In your activity, you also work with the theme of creating your own reality. If you had to define this process, what would it be? Why is it so important to allow ourselves to believe that we can really create our own reality? And, perhaps, there is a practice or a question that should be asked at a moment when a person feels an inner call to change?

For me, creating one's own reality is a process in which a person stops living according to other people's scenarios and begins to consciously choose his thoughts, decisions and actions. Our reality is born not only from circumstances, but also from the importance we attach to them and what choices we make every day.

It is important to believe that we can create our own reality, because this is where the return of the authorship of one's own life begins. As long as a person considers himself a victim of circumstances, he expects changes from the outside. When she becomes an author, she begins to create them herself.

In moments of inner call for change, I propose to ask myself one question: "If I were not afraid, how would I choose to really live?" Very often the answer is already within us. The only thing missing is the courage to hear it.

The creation of one's own reality begins not when the world around us changes, but when the person who looks at this world changes.

There is a lot of talk about self-love today: in speeches of famous people, in films, in literature and poetry. However, despite the simplicity of this formulation, in practice, loving yourself often turns out to be quite a difficult task. How to really feel your own worth, form a healthy self-esteem and come to true love for yourself?

In my opinion, self-love is not a fascination with yourself and not the absence of flaws. It is the ability to treat ourselves with respect, care and acceptance even in those moments when we are imperfect.

True self-esteem is born not when a person proves his worth of the world, but when he stops doing so. When she understands: my value does not depend on achievements, someone else's approval or mistakes.

Self-love begins with the question: "Can I be on my side regardless of the circumstances?" It is from this moment that a person stops fighting with himself and begins to live in harmony with himself.

Self-love begins at the moment when a person ceases to deserve the right to be valuable and realizes that his value is given to him already on the fact of birth. Everything else is just a way to remember it.

For many years there was a fairly strong opinion that happiness is not in money. At the same time, we understand that it is almost impossible to build a comfortable and stable life without financial realization and independence. I know that you also work with the topic of finance and money requests. What questions today most often bring women to you in this area? Where does work with such requests usually begin and which internal installations most often stand in the way of financial implementation?

I believe that happiness really does not come down to money, but money gives a person freedom of choice, a sense of security and the opportunity to realize his ideas. Therefore, the question is not so much in the money, but in the attitude of the person to them.

Most often, women do not come to me with a request: "How to earn more?" (Although this happens), and with questions: why do I work a lot, but get little? Why am I afraid to show up, increase the cost of my services or take the next step in implementation?

Work always begins not with financial instruments, but with the internal state. Because behind the financial difficulties there are often deep convictions: "I'm not good enough," "I need to earn success," "It's dangerous to manifest myself," "Big money is not about me."

In fact, the level of income very often reflects not our abilities, but how much of our own value we allow ourselves to recognize.

And when a woman begins to see her value, not only her attitude to money changes, but also the quality of her whole life.

I propose now to imagine that you and I are somewhere on the seashore ... And we have many postcards that we will send to every woman on the planet. What message would you write?

“Honey, stop waiting for the moment when you will become good enough, beautiful enough, successful enough or confident enough. You are already worthy of love, happiness and your best life.

Trust yourself. Listen to your heart. Do not be afraid to choose yourself and go your own way, even if it is not like the paths of others.

You already have everything you need. Let yourself see it and reveal it.

The most important relationship in your life is a relationship with yourself. When you find yourself, everything else begins to find you.

With love,

A woman who once learned to believe in herself.”

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