Nataliia Kryvich: "The main request of our time is sincerity"

In life, they often say: "Don't do something urgent, but do something important." In these words lies a simple but very important truth, which is the key to personality: if a person is able to see the value of his own inner personality, understand himself and honestly look at what really worries him, he begins to build his own life, definitely desirable and bright.

The heroine of the new interview on the pages of BOMOND VIP fashion is Nataliia Kryvich, a psychologist with medical education. Ms. Nataliia is convinced: the main request of our time is sincerity and trust between people. We talked about the beginning of professional history and how personal experience and desire to understand human nature led to the profession.

We pay special attention to the topic of child-parent relations. Nataliia shares the opinion that working with a child is impossible without working with parents, because the emotional state of adults is always reflected in the inner world of children. We also talk about why it is important to hear yourself in time and recognize that the support of a psychologist may be necessary, and that it is this awareness that often becomes the first step to change.

We talked about accepting our mistakes and understanding that life is never just black or white. There are stops, falls and doubts on the path of every person, but the real strength lies in the ability to rise and move on.

And, of course, about the state when reality sometimes seems upside down, as if in a crooked mirror, and about how to maintain inner balance in such conditions.

New material - about trust and unconditional truth: "Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself.”

Ms. Nataliia, I am sincerely happy for our interview today and I would like to start the conversation from the beginning of your personal story to the role of a psychologist. At what point did you feel that psychology would really become your life's work, which really bring so much valuable to the world?

My feeling is that psychology is really my life's work, because a helping profession is my vocation. I understand this when a person suffers and needs help, but first of all needs care. We live in times when trust between people is a great achievement. Why exactly? Because there is too much false information around us, people can show a smile that doesn't really reflect anything. People are focused on their path, their goals and attention to someone else's pain becomes almost uninteresting. Sincerity is the main request of our time. People's trust is very important to me.

After all, I am a very open and trusting person myself, and, living my life experience, I, like no one else, understand my customers and, in principle, people, why they are closed, distrustful and closed. That is, if there is no trust between us, we will not be able to work together. Help without trust does not work! Actions speak for themselves. People see, hear, respond to them.

At what point did I feel that psychology would become my life's work?

I decided to choose this profession since childhood, because I had the same problems and questions for adult life (with which teenagers, their parents and just different people now come to me). But at first I had difficulties in my family, and I had nowhere to find knowledge, examples, how to look at individual things, skills and answers. So I started to be interested in such things. It turned out to be very interesting and important to me, which later shaped my personal style of work. Humanity and the ability to love, understand, help others is my life experience.

The truth is that professional psychologists are often traumatized individuals, with their own cabinet of skeletons (not all of them, of course).

Therefore, at first I wanted to deal with my problems, fears, misunderstanding of life and find answers to these questions, and then, understanding how it works, I wanted to help those who also need attention and support!

Psychology helps to find answers for myself and teaches to understand the nature of people, having lived life's trials, I decided to share this experience. Therefore, Safety and Trust in my life is an understanding of what a person will have to go through and how it works for the result, so I began to help professionally.

You specialize in working with child-parent relationships. What are the most common difficulties in communication between parents and children you observe, and how can they be solved without compromising the child's emotional development? What, in your experience, most often destroys the trust between parents and children?

Yes, I understand the relationship between parents and children, as a specialist and as the most loving mother of teenagers. Therefore, I can distinguish theory and practice by one hundred percent. As they say: "You can't think dirty and live cleanly!"

Currently, during the circumstances in the country, I work primarily with my parents. I know for myself, from my motherly experience, if an adult does not want to take responsibility for his life, does not need attention primarily to himself, his moral state, - we will not be able to help the child (Example with the plane, we remember that first of all an adult should put on a mask, not a child, no matter how humane it looks, but it is an adult who is able to help others after helping himself! ). No matter how hard you try to work with a child while it is under the control of parents who do not consider it necessary to work on themselves and their fears, it all looks like removing symptoms, not working with a cause-and-effect relationship.

The child always feels what is being done in the adult's inner world and translates it in the subconscious state. That is, if an adult reacts optimistically to difficulties, the child automatically broadcasts it. If parents may be aggressive or ignore their feelings, this can also lead to negative consequences in the child's behavior. At the moment, this is the most blatant question.

Now everyone is emotionally exhausted, so I ask parents first of all to pay attention to themselves, work with their thoughts, do something with their mood, because the future of our children depends on it. Children who need help and see adults who cannot put themselves in order become victims of various circumstances. Currently, I have a child who is 7 years old and another is 9 years old, and they are very afraid of the mood of adults, because this mood of parents often changes and children also start to get nervous, no matter what. I also have an example of a teenage boy who is 14, and he already has an emotional trauma, which his mother caused with her fears and worries, which brought the child to the question of death and unwillingness to live, because he does not see the point.

Can a person independently understand that he needs to work with a psychologist, and not just rest or "endure" a difficult period? What signals of your own psyche should be taken seriously?

Yes, but it's not as we can imagine.

A person does not wake up in the morning with the thought: "Why should I go to a psychologist today?"

No, this is a decision that is perceived internally for a long time.

A person who admits that he needs help is already 50% ready to work with his problems, because recognition is already the key to success.

Unfortunately, this attitude still lives in our society, if you turn to a psychologist, you are a weak person...

The signals to pay attention to are emotional exhaustion, when a person cannot sleep, eat, work, stops communicative communication, closing in the middle of himself, mood swings become the cause of this.

If there are medical problems, a professional psychologist will see it and, before taking the person to work, will refer him/her to a doctor.

First you need to do an analysis of the state in case of illness on the part of the psyche, and only then work with the soul and your prejudices!

People often do not forgive themselves for their own mistakes. And the feeling of guilt more and more often in front of oneself poisons life further. How to learn to forgive yourself and accept your own mistakes?

People often do not forgive themselves because they have a great sense of guilt. In this case, it is necessary to understand that the accusation of someone or circumstances will not give the desired result. Therefore, when this feeling arises in a person, he or she understands that there is a problem, but does not dare to solve it because it is scary and painful, and for this you need to work. No one promises pills for pain or stress. It's really a long job and exhausting for the nervous system, but if there is a desire to overcome it, an emotional adult is able to cope with it, and if a person is emotionally immature, then it's like for him to endure it, or pretend that it will somehow pass by itself. Signals can be different, ranging from hidden aggression to violation of human behavior in the most ordinary situations.

Today we live in a time of high stress, anxiety and turbulence and this affects our personal and professional life. What advice would you give on how to maintain internal balance when everything around turns over, like in a "crooked mirror"?

We can maintain our inner balance if we control our personal state! This is very important to understand! No one but us will take care of their health. For example, if we listen to the news and browse the social network feed without restrictions, and then we feel bad, because there are either fears around, or there is no hope for a better future, or someone is doing very well at the very moment when you live one day ... in the best case, a person will earn a slight depression, others will have severe medical problems, starting with sleep disturbance, digestive disorders, then something will start to hurt and all this will lead to a mental state in the future.

Either you save yourself that you have the strength, or you fold your hands and humbly accept it.

Each person must find his motivation for himself, contrary to circumstances! For example, for the sake of your freedom, or family happiness, or children, or dreams, exactly what really works for our psyche. Because the human psyche does not understand our needs, it is necessary to provide tasks and decide how to fulfill them.

Remember the experience of Victor Frankl

From the concentration camp? Some people gave up immediately, without fighting for life, others expected that everything was about to become the same as before and did not wait, because mentally could not stand it, those who set themselves tasks for today and tried to fulfill them without waiting for tomorrow and without looking back at the past, survived.

I propose now to imagine that you and I are somewhere on the seashore ... And we have many postcards that we will send to every woman on the planet. What message would you write?

I would wish every woman on the planet to always take care of herself and her heart. Try not to respect the opinions of others. Never compare yourself to another woman. Remain yourself as she is, because she is the most beautiful, best, dearest person. Do something for yourself every day! Remind yourself every moment that she is the best, accept yourself as different and always take care of yourself, because a woman ... she is like a flower, if she is watered with water she blooms, if not - she will wither! Believe in yourself. Believe in yourself. To be happy in the moment without waiting that "my time will come and I will be happy..."

Remember that this is your life and it is one, so you always have the right to be yourself, not obeying the opinions of society or other people. Of course, adequacy is very important, but I believe that every woman will understand what this message is about.

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